s1c1

There’s nothing to tell.

He’s just some guy I work with!

Come on! You are going out with thy guy!

There’s gotta something wrong with him!

All right! Joey, Be nice!

So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece?

Wait, does he eat chalk?

Just Cause, I don’t want her go through what I went through with Carl.

OK, everybody relax, relax, It’s not even a date, Its just two people going out to dinner and not having sex.

Sounds like a date to me.

——————————

Alright, so I’m back in high school

I’m standing in the middle of the cafeteria,

and I realize I am totally naked,

Oh, yeah, Had that dream.

Then I look down and I realize There’s a phone there.

Instead of ..? That’s right.

All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring,

Now I don’t know what to do, everybody start looking at me.

They weren’t looking at you before?

Finally, I figure I’d better answer it.

And it turns out it’s my mother, 

which is very very weried because she never calls me.

____________


Hi,

This guy says hello, I wanna kill myself.

Are you ok, sweetie?

I just feel like someone reached down my throat

grabbed my small intestine,

pulled it out of my mouth and tied it around my neck…

cookie?

Carol moved her stuff out today

Let me get you some coffee

thank you

No, no don’t! Stop cleansing my aura!

No, just leave my aura alone, okay?

I’ll be fine, alright?

Really, everyone. I hope she’ll be very happy.

No you don’t. - No I don’t, to hell with her, she left me!

And you never knew she was a lesbian…

No!! Okay?! Why does everyone keep fixating on that?

She didn’t know, how should I know?

Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian..

Did I say that out loud?

I told Mom and Dad last night, they took it pretty well.

Oh, really? So that hysterical phone call I got from a woman at sobbing 3:00 A.M.,

"I’ll never have grandchildren, I’ll never have grandchildren."

was what? A wrong number?

Sorry.

Alright, Ross, look. You’re feeling a lot of pain right now.

You’re angry. You’re hurting.

Can I tell you what the answer is ? Strip joint!

Come on, you’re single! Have some hormones!

I don’t want to be single, okay?

I just… I just wanna be married again!

And I just want a million dollars!

________________________

Rachel?!

Oh, God, Monica, hi! Thank God!

I just went to your building and you weren’t there

and then this guy with a big hammer said you might be here

and you are, you are!

Can I get you some coffee? De-Caff

Okay, everybody, this is Rachel, another Lincoln High survivor.

This is everybody, this is Chandler, and Phoebe, and Joey,

and you remember my brother Ross?

Hi, sure! - Hi

So you wanna tell us now or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaids?

Oh, God… well,

it started about a half hour before the wedding, 

I was in the room where we were keeping all the presents,

and I was looking at this gravy boat.

This really gorgeous Limoges gravy boat.

When all of a sudden, I realized that I was more turned on by this gravy boat than by Barry!

And then I got really freaked out, and that’s when it hit me:	

How much Barry looks like Mr Potato Head.

You know, I mean, I always knew looked familiar, but …

Anyway, I just had to get out of there, and I started wondering 

"Why am I doing this, and who am I doing this for?"

So anyway I just didn’t know where to go, 

and I know that you and I have kinda drifted apart, 

but you’re the only person I knew who lived here in the city.

Who wasn’t invited to the wedding.

Ooh, I was kinda hoping that wouldn’t be an issue…

__________

Daddy, I just… I can’t marry him!

I’m sorry, I just don’t love him!

Well, it matters to me!

Come on Daddy, listen to me!

It’s like, it’s like, all of my life,

everyone has always told me, "you’re a shoe!

You’re a shoe, you’re a shoe, you’re a shoe!"

And today I just stopped and I said ,

"what if I don’t wanna be a shoe?

what if I wanna be a purse, you know? Or a hat !

No, I’m not saying I want you to buy me a hat,

I’m saying I am a hat, It’s metaphor, Daddy!

Look Daddy, it’s my life.

Well maybe I’ll just stay here with Monica.

Well, maybe that’s my decision.

Well, maybe I don’t need your money.

Wait!! Wait, I said maybe!!

_____________